Teaching the Essence Love Process

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Traditional talk therapy has some downsides. Sometimes it is difficult to access emotional imprints and traumas through talking alone. When they are accessed, sometimes words are not enough to make real progress. Lastly, the process depends on having access to a therapist, sometimes for years. Psychedelic-assisted self-therapy with 5-MeO-DMT addresses all of these problems. Our job as facilitators is to teach the Essence Love process during a live psychedelic session.

 

Interestingly, we won't be anyone's long-term therapist. That would be boring for us and disempowering for them. We teach people the skills to meet their parts in daily or weekly solo medicine practice sessions.

 

The goal of Essence Love practice is to help people transition from hating and fearing their burdened parts to welcoming them and giving them attention and love. This basic transformation can happen in just a few sessions! Then, whenever parts are activated, they can be welcomed. Over time, they will become healed.

 

The goal of a facilitated medicine session is to teach people the Essence Love process: how to notice activated parts, unblend from them, and give them loving attention. We do this by leading them through the process a few times. Then we explain what we are doing so they can try it themselves. People can generally understand the process and lead it for themselves after one or more sessions.

 

“I can be Self-aware, welcome my parts, and give them attention and love!”

 

Before the Medicine

 

To make this work, we need to check in at the beginning of the session to see whether they understand the basics of IFS: Self, exiles, protectors, managers, and firefighters. If the basics aren't clear, we can give them a 5-minute lesson and ask if they have any questions.

 

We need to let them know to expect emotional material to surface, and that this is a good thing. Everyone has unresolved emotional imprints. Learning the essence love process is an essential life skill that can transform how life is experienced from avoidance and suffering to well-being and confidence.

 

We need to let them know they may feel unpleasant or distressing sensations in the subtle body as parts activate. This is a very somatic process. As each part gets attention and love, it will soften and relax, and they will feel this liberation process in their body. The healing process with the medicine is so effective because it is primarily somatic, not primarily conceptual. We use words to guide people into a direct, nonconceptual relationship with their burdened parts. This direct, nonconceptual relationship with parts in the body is 5-MeO's healing power.

 

Unblending

 

Blending with a part means the part takes over and dominates the seat of consciousness. We feel like the part. We talk like the part. We act like the part. We have temporarily identified as the part. We spend most of our lives blended with one part after another, forgetting that we are awareness of the parts, not any part.

 

We need to reclaim our power, our agency. Self-awareness gives us creativity and choice.

 

IFS recommends asking the activated part to soften back so we have enough Self to give it the attention it wants. Put this way, the part will often soften back so we can talk with it.

 

Another approach is to return to Self-awareness by simply recognizing that we are aware. We are Self-aware and also aware of the activated part. From Self-awareness we can heal the part.

 

Sometimes just noticing that a part is activated is enough to unblend and see it as a part, not as us.

 

If it seems like the practitioner may be blended with a part, ask them. If so, ask them to become Self-aware. Don’t let them take any more medicine until they are back in Self-awareness. If the medicine is allowed to fade, they will naturally unblend. If the part is still activated, they don't need more medicine!

 

Unburdening

 

IFS recommends visualizing an unburdening ceremony. We ask the part if it is ready to let go of its burden. If so, we ask it whether it wants to give up its burden to air, fire, earth, water, or space. Then we guide them to dissolve the burden into the ocean, or however feels good. This is nice, but generally not relevant to medicine work. We have a more direct route to unburdening through the feelings in the body.

 

Our equivalent is to give parts attention and love until they deactivate on their own. We feel the fully activated part’s suffering in our body. As the part softens back, we feel the suffering softening into okayness in the body. This felt somatic release and liberation from suffering is our primary unburdening modality. It is often such a clear signal from suffering to okayness that the lesson of how self-liberation works is fully absorbed and quickly becomes a vital life skill. Perhaps ten times faster than sober talk therapy.

 

The difference here is that we don’t need to resolve or completely unburden parts to be okay. We only need a better relationship with them. Giving them regular attention and love over many sessions will help them heal. Burdened parts are like neglected pets. When we don’t give our pets regular attention, they get neurotic, bark a lot, and pee on the carpet! When we give our parts attention and love, we get to enjoy a whole family of happy parts.

 

Medicine Session Overview

 

We will lead them to a dose where parts activate, but not too much. There is a sweet spot where activated parts are most workable. We are Self-aware and aware of the activated part, eye to eye. Too little, and the parts won't appear. Too much, and they are so activated that they are difficult to unblend from. Way too much, and the parts are bypassed and will appear in the tail.

 

5MeO has a 5-minute half-life, so the sweet spot for working with parts only lasts around 5 minutes before the activated part fades. To resume the connection, top up again. "Come back, I want to spend time with you!"

 

We ask the practitioner to report whatever is arising during the session so we can fully participate in the process. If they are quiet for a while, it is a good idea to check in and ask what is present for them. If they are too blended to report in, we want to know about it and not let it go on.

 

At any given time, we engage with one target part. Our job is to keep their focus on the target part and in dialogue with the part. We have a habitual tendency to wander off into distracted thinking without realizing it. We act as their reminder to stay with the part until they build the skill.

 

We continue engaging with the part until it is satisfied and spontaneously deactivates or softens back. Often, another part, such as a protector, will become activated and jump to the front of the line. In that case, we focus on the new part until it softens back and then check back with the first part to see if it still wants attention.

 

We continue with the essence love process as long as parts are activated. Often, after 30-60 minutes of essence love practice with parts, all of the parts are satisfied, and it is time to go somewhat higher into nature of mind practice.

 

Working With an Exile

 

Here is a typical encounter with an exile. The first task is to detect the part. Part detection is the first step to unblending and is often the only step needed.

 

P. I feel sad. “I” language.

F. You don’t feel sad. You are Self, and you are always okay. One of your parts is feeling sad.

 

The next step is to welcome the part and let it know that you care about it.

 

F. Tell the sad part that it is welcome here, and you are going to be its friend.

 

Then, bring the focus back to the part so the practitioner can engage with it. Whenever we suggest a communication with a part, we have the practitioner check in with the part to see how the communication is being received.

 

F. How is the part reacting to your offer of friendship?

P. The sad part likes this, but isn’t sure I will follow through.

F. Tell the sad part you will check in with it for a few minutes every day.

F. How is the sad part reacting to your offer of a daily check-in?

P. The sad part is feeling more relaxed now.

 

Sometimes parts like physical closeness or contact.

 

F. Ask the sad part if it would like to sit in your lap.

P. Yes, it is happy to sit in my lap. I am cuddling it now.

F. How is the sad part feeling now?

P. It is feeling loved and hopeful.

 

At some point, each part feels seen, acknowledged, and felt. When parts feel satisfied, they soften back or deactivate on their own, basically disappearing from our radar screen. This is good. Each part will get attention and love many times over many sessions. After a while, the part will begin to trust us and naturally unburden.

 

Letting Them Take the Lead

 

After showing them how to work with parts, it is time for them to try it. "I am teaching you essence love practice. Essence love is a skill. Now you welcome parts and show me how it's done." Then, whenever you need to step in and prompt them, let them know what you did from a process structure perspective. For example:

 

F. I was acting as your parts detector there. See if you can notice the next one on your own.

F. I prompted you to welcome the part. See if you can get into resonance with it.

F. I prompted you to let go of stories and return to dialogue with the part.

 

Psychedelic Protectors

 

Most sessions begin with protectors before the exiles can be activated.

 

Here is an example of a psychedelic protector showing up. Psychedelic protectors generally manifest as pain in the body or fear. Psychedelic protectors need their concerns directly addressed. The session cannot proceed without their permission.

 

P. My stomach hurts!

F. That's a part. Feel into the pain and see if there is an emotional resonance present there.

P. It's fear! I'm afraid.

F. Tell the fear that it is welcome here, and we want to talk with it. Ask the fear what it is concerned about.

P. I might lose control and go crazy!

F. Okay, let's address that concern directly. Tell the fear that you will remain Self-aware the whole time, so Self will be in control. Also, you will be taking very small doses, so you definitely won't go crazy.

F. How is the fear reacting to this information?

P. She is feeling better.

F. Ask the fear if it will give us permission to continue with the session. Let her know that you are a responsible meditator and you really want to work through your emotional burdens and suffer less.

P. Okay, she says go ahead, but be careful.

F. Wonderful. Thank her for permission and let her know we will be careful.

 

Managers and Firefighters

 

When an exiled feeling shows up, a manager or firefighter may step in to keep us from feeling it. We need to talk with the protector and get their permission to continue healing the exile.

 

P. I feel depressed.

F. Wonderful! One of your exiles has shown up. Welcome the depressed part and tell it you will be its friend.

F. How is the depressed part reacting to your offer of friendship?

P. This won’t work. I don’t understand IFS. I am such a failure.

F. Okay, that is a protector, distracting you from being with the depressed part. Welcome the protector and thank it for trying to keep you safe from feeling depressed.

F. How is the protector reacting to being acknowledged and thanked?

P. He is happy to have his hard work acknowledged!

F. Great. Ask him how old he thinks you are.

P. He thinks I am 7 when my father died.

F. Let him know that you are a grown man now and you know what you are doing.

P. He is quite surprised that I am grown up.

F. Tell him that you are grown up and mature enough to handle talking with the depressed part. Ask if he’ll soften back so you can help the part heal.

P. Yeah, he’s good with that.

F. Great. Thank him for that. Is the depressed part around?

P. No, he’s gone.

F. Time for another puff and see if he comes back.

 

Assign Homework

 

Assign daily parts check-in homework as integration practice for IFS work.

 

Recommend morning daily medicine sessions if they have time. This can also serve as their daily parts check-in. Recommend at least weekly practice to continue building a relationship with the parts.

 

Welcome them to the community. Add them to the Essence Love group, and recommend attending shared rigpa sessions for community support.